I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
We won't sleep together?
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I AM VODKA MAN
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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