i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Randomize
