marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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