I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize
