You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
My hand turned me down
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
