I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Randomize
