Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
