I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
