I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
