it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
