Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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