I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I think I just sharted jello shots
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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