The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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