come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
