I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
