from now on my penis is your penis
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
