Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
