oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
