I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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