Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
