Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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