You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
