every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
