Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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