Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
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