You really coming over, don't trick.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
