right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I take back everything I said about communal showers
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Randomize