he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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