I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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