Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Randomize
