So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
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