I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
She just used a chaser for red wine.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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