My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize