I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
