I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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