At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
