I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
