she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
