Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
