im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Randomize
