you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Did I show you my penis last night?
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
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