I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
