I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
