11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
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