I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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