She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
