shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
