He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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