Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize