I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
