i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
