these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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