He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
stop calling my apartment porn island.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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