Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Randomize
