Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
i think i have two assholes
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
