Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
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