Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize