when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
