Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
