oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
