When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
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