Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
