I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize