You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Randomize
