some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
as a side note pls kill me
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
