I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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