Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
