I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
