I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize