Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
