i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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