my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Randomize
