no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
