shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
