i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
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