connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
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