Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
