i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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