Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
