I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
