So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Randomize
