maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
