i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize