he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
