There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
