I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Randomize
