"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
His hands were made for my vagina.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
