A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
