How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
