I wish my penis had an off switch
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
