If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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