he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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