so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
