I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
