My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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