I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
organizing the empties. That sober.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
