There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Randomize
