fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
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