Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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