i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
