he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
