I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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