There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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